A year and a week later.

 

Since March 13th, 2020 time seems like an illusion. Everything just blends together as we all try to stay safe and stay sane during this crazy time. But as of today, I've been with CDWG for a year and a week.

I started with CDWG on February 24th, 2020 and 19 days later the U.S. shut down. My husband and I are in a privileged situation, we own a home and have been able to consistently work from home. However, the first year and a week as an Education Strategist hasn't been what I thought it would be.

As cliche as it sounds, it's been better. It hasn't all been roses, I can't even count all the late nights anymore. However, at the end of the day, I'm truly happy I took the leap and accepted this position. Over the past year, I've learned so much about education funding and policy, I've gotten to advocate at levels I never would have imagined, and I'm met so many amazing educators and administrators that are truly inspiring. I feel incredibly privileged when I get to collaborate with school staff because, again with the cliches, despite regional and population differences there is a lot to learn from each other and I'm happy to be a conduit for sharing.

Another reason this role is better than I thought is how much I've grown over the past year. Yes, the knowledge, experience, and expertise are great but I've been empowered to grow as an advocate for digital equity, diversity, and inclusion. While I will always have room to grow, I don't feel like an imposter. I feel confident in myself and the messages I want to share. After a particularly detailed email or a complicated call, I find myself being thankful. I know February 23rd, 2020 Ari would have taken on the situation differently. I can think of times when I reacted too quickly or gave up my power.

I find it crazy what a difference a year and a week makes. I didn't think changing jobs would make such a personal difference. I thought it would be a new challenge, a new way to grow as an educational technology professional. That's happened of course, and again there are days when I collapse into a chair mentally and physically drained, so no rose-colored glasses here. 

I'm thankful I've found a role where I can grow and positively affect things that matter to me. I know many in education technology aren't as lucky so I have to acknowledge this privilege. Despite the winding road it took to get to March 3rd, 2021 it's the road I needed even though I couldn't see past the next turn.

So what's up next moving towards year two and two weeks later? My focus right now, both for myself and those I serve, is not going back to school but moving forward towards what many of us have envisioned education could be for a long time. I'm excited to be a part of that work, and even more so I'm excited to help others along the way. 

& We're Back, to School That Is

This vlog was a unique one in the sense I didn’t provide any additional voice overs for the Snaps. I felt a lot made sense on it’s own but I thought I’d still blog a bit about the content.

The all staff PD day (complete Snapchat Story) was quite an undertaking and so much of the planning and preparation you didn’t see because it was done behind the scenes and by a varied group of departments. With something this large, it was only natural to get other groups involved. Plus our department, while a provider of PD in our district, doesn’t hold a monopoly on PD. It was so great to be able to work with teachers that were interested in the SAMR model and help classified employees learn about how they can use Google in the classroom. My hope from the day is that staff I worked with now have another resource or two to help them in their position.

The snaps you see of staff using the HTC Vive were from an exploratory session to begin looking into how we can use the the virtual reality tool in the classroom. There are also some fun snaps from the office just showing some random happenings. One of the things I’m trying to do more this year is get away from my desk during lunch and whenever possible I bring others with me. I think it’s a great way to de-stress, disconnect from technology and get to know others in the department better. While we all work together, sometimes I feel like I barely know my coworkers and I like to change that. So for me, it starts with food but if you know me offline, that’s probably not a surprise to you.

The last major thing covered in the vlog was my short reflection from my first meeting with Renee Hill. While she worked in the district I always admired and looked up to her. In some ways, I was always a bit intimidated by her, but that was never something of her doing. She has command and presence, she’s the kind of person you pay attention to because you know she knows her stuff. There is no B.S.ing her, and that can be scary but a great challenge. When August began to wind down I knew Renee was who I wanted to call for help. I knew she would tell me like it is, and not sugar coat it. With something as important as an opening keynote, I didn’t want lip service, I wanted to know if the keynote sucked. Luckily she liked the first draft and provided great suggestions to help make it even better. I’m excited to keep working with her and I can’t wait to see what we create together.

Don’t forget you can still sign up for the Silver State Technology Conference and connect with CUE NV on Twitter.

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Now What? Thoughts on 2016 & beyond.

I was very fortunate in 2016. Personally, my husband and I moved into a new, larger apartment; we adopted an amazing cat named Shep, and I was able to attend more conferences and help more teachers learn about educational technology. The year was not without its first world problems, but overall I can look back on 2016 and smile.

There is one thing however that makes me uncomfortable. For the first time in my life, I don’t have a long-term goal. In education, you can be hired for positions based in part on credentials. I currently have a single subject credential in addition to a Masters in Educational Technology, but as a Staff Development Specialist in my district, I’ve tapped out positions.

If I wanted to aspire to do more within education, I’d need to earn an administrative credential. This credential is a strange idea to me. I am happiest when I’m working with teachers and helping them think about technology in regards to their classroom content, context, and pedagogy. As someone based out of a district office, it’s already difficult at times to work with teachers because, as anyone in education knows, there are any number of directions teachers are being pulled in on any given day. Moving into an administrative position makes me worry I’ll be doing more management of tasks and pulled even further away from helping teachers. There are amazing administrators that are inspiring to teachers, don’t get me wrong, but I’m not sure this is the path I’d like to take.

I’ve also thought about going back to school for an educational technology doctorate, but when I think of the cost-benefit analysis for the time and expense of the degree, I don’t see this being valuable to my family. I’ve even toyed with the idea of studying computer science because I’ve always found this an interesting subject, but the time that goes into another degree is time away from family.

I don’t want it to seem like I’m using my family as an excuse to stall the advancement of my career. As a wife, my family is a big part of my litmus test for any decision I make. I know my husband is supportive and would believe in any career decision I would make, but thus far, I haven’t found something that gets me so excited that the costs are worth it.

I’ve always had a plan. I was a teacher and I earned my masters in educational technology because it helped me advance my practice, moved me up the pay scale, and opened the door for my current position. As of right now, I have nothing I’m actively working towards. This is unknown territory to me. In some ways, this unknown is good because I’m getting to understand a different side of myself.

However, I’m also a bit worried because, on a day to day basis, I’m not happy with my day job. I’d be more comfortable with my lack of long-term goal if I felt more connected to my job. There are many happy times, and no one has outright made me feel like my position is at risk, but lately I’ve been feeling uninspired and disconnected from the classroom and teachers. A side effect of working in a consortium leading district is I have learned a lot about event planning and marketing. These are useful skills that I know I can use in the future, but every time I work on an event I always wonder what I could be doing to help teachers directly instead. If the choice is working with teachers or checking in dignitaries at an event, I’d rather be with teachers, but in practice that isn’t always what happens. My happiest moments this year have been conversations with teachers brainstorming and implementing ideas for technology in the classroom. Helping teachers get started or go deeper is where I feel the heart of my position should be, and it’s where I feel I can put my best foot forward.

When I get to work with teachers or collaborate with other Staff Developers I’m thrilled, but I don’t get to do that as often as I’d like. I feel part event planner and part useless. I don’t like the event planning because the most time consuming of events are usually are for administrators and TOSAs outside the district, not our teachers. I will put everything into planning a teacher event and have in the past, but sometimes I find it hard to think of spotlighting the district rather than providing for our own. There are other days where I feel like I don’t know why I go to work. I hate to admit this, but sometimes I just feel useless. There are things I’m working on, such as adapting curriculum or organizing future professional development, but they always seem to be happening in the future. Day to day, I’m at the district office more than I am on-site with teachers.

I hate this imbalance. This imbalance is the root of my so much of my unease. I don’t feel like I am able to do my best work for my job, and I don’t have a plan to change my situation to find a place where I feel like I can do my best and continue to grow. I’m hoping next semester the imbalance will change as I lead six of our school sites in bringing Girls Who Code to our district. I also don’t want it to seem like I sit at my desk at the district office and wait for opportunities to come to me. We’ve revamped our department website, posted our after school PD calendar for the entire year in August, created a professional development menu for our principals and department chairs as a reference for PD options, co-presented with content areas staff developers, presented at content area staff developer PD, and provided paid PD opportunities after school and on weekends.

This frustration leads to times of unhappiness and, unfortunately, in some ways has bled into other areas of my life. I haven’t had the energy to participate in Twitter chats like I used to or be a contributor to my favorite Voxer groups. I honestly haven’t felt like I had anything of value to say since I wasn't accomplishing much in my district. I find myself working hours that I don't feel are helpful to classroom teachers and it makes me wonder if my personal philosophy about coaching in educational technology is a good fit with where I currently am. Even some of my closest friends have asked if I was ok because my facial expressions showed more than I thought about my state of mind.

I don’t regret taking this job. I work with some wonderful people and I’ve been exposed to great ideas and concepts. I came into this position wanting to learn more about how to be a coach and about departments in educational technology, and I feel I am achieving that purpose. Every day I spend in this job I feel like I’m being exposed more ideas and concepts to continue to learn about, both in my position and on my own.

As far as staff development goes, when I read feedback from the professional development I facilitate, the hard work I put in shows. However, I’m used to having a next step, a plan I’m working on for the future. When I was in a fixed mindset English department for example, I began putting together my application packet to transfer to another school. I consider my plans an open door to opportunity that in the event I need a change or want a change I have it ready to act on or at least to look forward to, but right now I don’t. The unease of not having a plan for future education or career past the master's degree and becoming a staff developer has been brewing in the back of my mind since I finished my master’s in 2014. Now unfortunately, those feelings of unease are compounded by my unhappiness in my job.

It’s not much of a conclusion for a blog, but hopefully the following will do considering so much is still unknown and I’m still processing idea and options. I know as long as I continue to question my status quo and think about this, I’ll make positive progress. In the interim however, I’ll learn to be comfortable with the uncomfortable. In addition, I need to remember to not be complacent and let things that bother me continue to be distanced from things I enjoy. I can’t let the burnout from work I dislike keep me from things and people that help me grow. Instead, I need to turn to those outlets more now than ever to help remind me that even if I’m unhappy at work, I still am helpful to those in my district and my PLC.

So as far as 2017 goes, there are things I’m passionate about and some career goals I’d like to achieve such as keynoting a tech event and presenting internationally (once I get my passport in order, of course). In regards to a far reaching career or education goal, I’m not sure I’ll have one this calendar year, but that remains to be seen. In the short term however, I’m going to focus on what I know and love, helping teachers. I hope by doing this work I will continue to connect with others that share my passion and who can help me grow individually and as a contributor to the educational technology community.