A Broken Tooth, a Changed Person, and a Broken System

In December a piece of a filling broke and left a decent size hole in my tooth. Luckily it didn't hurt on a day to day basis and I could still eat, but I had to adjust how I chew.

Even before the break I favored chewing on my left side because it just felt so awkward to chew on the right side. Maybe the break was trying to warn me? The break made it a much more necessary choice to avoid making the break worse.

I got it fixed this Tuesday and on Wednesday night I comfortably chewed on both sides of my mouth for the first time in recent memory. It was a strange experience because I know I used to chew on both sides, but last night it felt like the first time. Also, my mouth naturally took over and made it happen, when for the last 30ish days it was doing something completely different.

This experience got me thinking about my life as a woman of color. What have I changed about myself because of circumstances outside of my control? How often do we have a moment when we realized we've changed? What allows for moments to happen that give us the ability to rethink what we're doing or how we feel about it?  Are there warning signs I never noticed? How do I create more opportunities to reflect without the dental damage? Will 'muscle memory' allow me to go back to things I wish hadn't changed?

As I continued to marinate on this, I thought about where some  'breaks' may have happened in my life. While some were fairly recent, my mind drifted back to college and my K12 experience. The education system in both apparent and hidden ways changes students. Some changes are for the better, and others are not. 

In this situation with my tooth, I'm privileged to have health insurance. However, when education affects our students, what resources do they have to help them address situations like this in their lives?

This isn't something I can solve in one blog, but I wanted to get these thoughts out of my head and into the world. In light of 2019, more people have been forced to see the inequities that exist in education, and I believe this is part of it. It's cliche but people are right when they say we have the opportunity to reimagine education based on all we've learned during remote and hybrid learning. So I'll be continuing to think about this experience, and I'm interested to hear our thoughts too.

I hope there will be more attention brought to questions like this. Just because you get used to something as it is, doesn't mean that's what it should be.

20 for 2020 Follow Up

 

Last December (isn't it a relief to say that?), I started a Twitter project called 20 for 2020, and as promised, here is the list of all the tweets in one place. I will adjust the grammar and punctuation because I don't know about you, but I will sacrifice punctuation and turn words into numbers for character count's sake. So here they are, starting with the first going all the way until New Year's Eve with a short reflection on the whole process at the end.

1. Happy though from 2020: The floor on #edtech use has been raised way up! I hope I never hear "I can't do that" or even worse, "My kids can't do that" ever again. Technology will continue to change, but we've learned students' and teachers' capacity is greater than we believed. We can't forget that.
2. I've always been a fan of shopping, but this year, I've focused on #sustainability. Thrifting helps me find unique pieces, give items a second life, and it's a small way I can reduce my carbon footprint. Despite going through multiple stay at home orders, I've enjoyed thrifting online too.
3. While flossing, I lost a piece of filling the next available appointment 1/20, and my phone repair is lost in the mail. Also, I never heard from my Dr about an appointment request I made on the 7th. Their next available, 12/31. I'm annoyed, YET I'm not letting this ruin my day. 2019 me would not have been this chill. #GROWTH
4. I've read EdCode a lot this year & weirdly, I enjoy it. I never took the time to understand it, and I can't remember it being explained to me. It was a nebulous thing referenced to incite compliance. Moving forward, I plan to integrate EdCode when relevant into my professional development to help demystify and inform.
5. A hope for 2020- More we, less me.
6. I take medication to help address my mental health. In 2021, I need to be better at remembering them. There's nothing like going to take my meds in the morning and being like, 'Oh, I didn't take my meds yesterday. No wonder my day felt off.' I guess this also about striving for consistency as well.
7. My phone was MIA for about a week or so, and I liked it. I plan on scaling down my apps & using do not disturb way more often. So if you need me, you know where to find me, but maybe take a walk or play a video game while you wait for me to respond, because that is probably how I'm relaxing if I don't pick up.
8. Sometimes you get so busy you forget to do something you like, and that's ok.
9. A personal work in progress is learning how to better manage my time, so I can truly relax. Not my usual 'after I do the dishes I'll be relaxed,' relaxing.
10. I've been all Google since the early 2000s, but I will say, now that I work in a primarily Microsoft environment, there are some cool tools and features I've been sleeping on. However, I still find myself yelling at M365 from time to time. I miss Clippy. I could use his help sometimes.
11. After an injury and the pandemic, I've lost my way with health and fitness. I've realized it's hard for me to be self-directed in this arena of life. I'm hopeful now that I recognize this, I can invest in ways to help me feel strong and healthy again. Now to figure out where to start.
12. This year I updated from a travel hairdryer & plastic combs to a full-size GHD one and bamboo combs. I'm still learning how to style my hair like my stylist, but I'm able to duplicate the shine & softness, which is pretty cool. It's a nice thing to do for myself to feel cute, and I like it.
13. I've been lucky to build relationships online & it was always amazing getting to meet folx IRL, but sadly we all know how that worked for 2020. However, 2020 reminded me how lucky I am to have connected w/so many wonderful folx & to never take the IRL moments for granted.
14. Staying at home has given me a new appreciation for the moment of the sun, as I've watched the spots my cat likes to sit move throughout the house.
15. Communication isn't a destination. It's a long-distance road trip.
16. Some people learned to make bread, some got fit, others perfected a personal hobby, and I learned how to do my nails. However, you spent your time during various stay-at-home orders and quarantines. Don't let yourself or others shame you with how you spent your time. #StayAtHome
17. I think this qualifies as a life hack. If you have room, save some wire hangers from the dry cleaner. We've used them for minor makeshift repairs, garden stuff, and holiday decorations. Also, many dry cleaners recycle them, so that's always better than throwing them away.
18. We all get nervous during performance reviews, starting a new job, and the pandemic amplified those emotions. But today, I was reminded you never know how people see and value you and/or your work even if people up and down the chain of command and in your PLN don't actively tell you. Trust yourself, trust your work.
19. I work with folx in education across the US, specifically the West Coast. As cliche as it sounds, the problems facing states and districts are not so different across state lines. One major trend I've witnessed is the push and pull between guidance vs. mandates and how to lead while still honoring local needs and local work.
20. Just because things went your way doesn't mean you shouldn't stop to reflect and assess. If things didn't go your way doesn't mean you failed or that you've lost momentum.

Overall, I'm glad I did this project. It was nice to have one thing to do a day to think and reflect every day. It showed me why lots of folx like doing gratitude journals and one a day lists. I'm not sure I'll jump on that train, but it was cool to gain insight.

It was interesting that the tweets with the highest interactions based on likes (11, 6, and 16) had nothing to do with education. They were all about some sort of mental health concept. I think in many ways, that's a sign of the overall vibe of 2020 and a societal shift toward being more open to sharing and learning about mental health. Which if that's a side effect of 2020, I think that's something to be happy about. 

During 20 for 2020, I also posted this meme-based tweet (not a part of the series), and it got 281 likes. This makes sense because memes and images do well on social media, but it makes me wonder about the time I invest in social media posts. I truly believe it's not about the likes, but part of why I've always loved social media is for the connections. That tweet had 23 comments, versus the 15 total for all of 20 for 2020, so not a lot of connections. I'm not going to stop posting, but this might be another reminder about time management and work-life balance. 

Overall, I'm happy I did this because even though it was pretty inconsequential, this exercise showed me I can do something for 20 days in a row. Well, almost 20. There were two days where I had to double up because I missed a day, but it wasn't a horrible failure, and no one else noticed the doubles but me. Besides, fitness regimens have rest days, so this works right. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Knowing I have the capacity to do this is helpful because I have a lot of goals, big and small, that I'd like to work on in 2021, and consistency would be really helpful as I strive to make progress towards each one.

Speaking of goals, maybe I'll share those too. ;)